So, I realized today that I have not explained why I decided to start the website and podcast... Well, here ya go!!!
I will admit that starting a website and podcast like this seems to be foolhardy. There are a plethora of other options about this same topic for people to choose from. So you may ask; Jeremy, why in the world would someone want to spend an immense amount of your time, energy, and money into something that very well may not give you any financial return? Well simply put, I need this. Do I want It’s All In My Head to become successful, garner a huge audience, and be able to have advertisers want to give me money? Sure, but it’s not a requirement. I mainly began this endeavor to provide an outlet for an anxiety riddled, social awkward human being to talk about things that he loves. You see, I frequently find myself with nothing of interest to say (or at least that is what my self-confidence tells me). But when someone brings up a TV show, film, video game, or a wide range of my geeky interests I enjoy, I transform into a completely different person.
At a young age I was diagnosed with extreme anxiety. At times it can be debilitating, cause bouts of depression, make me socially awkward, and cause me to be apprehensive about going for things that are a risk but that may bring great reward. Sometimes that means not doing something that may make me happy, because it involves said risk. With the site and podcast it involves money… Something my wife and I do not have much of, and I am the type of person that does not like to do something halfway… I go all in. Therefore, money and the fact that this topic is pretty well covered stopped me from starting this project for the last two years. Then, I came to a realization a little over a month ago at a conference I was working; if I continue to stop myself from being happy then I might as well give up and relegate myself to the typical suburban American life. Thats not to say thats bad, but it’s just not me or my wife for that matter. We like to live a unique and adventurous life. That is what makes us happy, we may not be the most wealthy people, but at least we can say we lived.
Now, it has taken a long time fro me to take on this sort of attitude. My anxiety always caused me to think to much, and worry about what everyone else thought about me (and when I mean everyone, I mean EVERYONE…). As a result, I always felt out of place unless I was playing music in a band or embracing the nerdy things I love. That was until I met my wife, my constant rock that accepts me and all of my quirks and happens to be a huge nerd as well. So, I was slowly digging myself out of this mindset, but I still thought that everyone had this expectation for me to live life a certain way (this was my anxiety at work). This however, is not a healthy way to live. So, I decided to throw everyone else’s opinion and throw it out the window. I am the one that has to live with my life at the end of the day.
This is where the website and podcast come into play. Why not try and talk about my obsessions for a living and bring my friends along for the ride. When I am recording the episodes my anxiety melts away, and I am finally able to be myself. It has resulted in some much needed self-confidence, because people have told me that they really enjoy the show. so, in my mind is reason enough to spend the time and money. I am fully aware that the deck is stacked against me. There are a bunch of other people doing the same thing (many of them are my inspiration), but they are not me. I am just going to be honest and passionate. Hopefully, this will set myself apart and lead to great things. If it doesn’t, at least I can say I tried. Maybe I can inspire someone else to throw all caution to the wind and do something they love. Who knows the world is a crazy place, I just hope it has room for a crazy person like me.